Disney got me on that 360 contract so I carved out a spot for merch so I can break free from the Disney tyranny.

Let's be honest, Scientology is hurting right now so I'm doing my version of a bake sale.

Listen up you donuts, buy my merch or I'll torture you with 25 more seasons of Hells Kitchen.

Lois is up my ass these days and said I need a productive hobby. So I took that literally and designed some products. Stewie's diapers are expensive.

Elon might think his designs are fire but everyone knows I'm now a style god. Gates aint got shit on me either.

Throw Me A Frickin' Bone Here!

My first girlfriend was a computer. Elon and Zuck are like my children. It's funny they think they can compete with me on merch.

Rockets are cool and all, but you saw Dark MAGA merch so you know I got that designer in me.

I'm still alive and I'm starting a new business venture. I'm done with narrating movie trailers and documentaries!

Greetings, allies. I am Optimus Prime, and I invite you to explore the Autobots' new merch shop. All proceeds go to fixing the image created by a terrible movie franchise.

I'm in my teenage prince era! I saw Ash trying to make all the money when everyone knows I carry the Pokemon universe.

My dad cut my allowance so I gotta hustle for a new skateboard.

Listen, it's been a rough couple years but I really think this e-commerce venture will fix it all. I feel like the old Phil these days!

Look, Morty! I didn’t build a portal gun to sell stuff, but capitalism’s a multiverse too – buy my Rick-tastic gear!

You might call it shameless, but I call it hustle. You think Marvel pays great residuals? Support me so I can break out of the Universe and be a normal person with a small business.

Side characters never get any love. Instead of unionizing against Vader we're raising funds to bring our up effective wage of the troops.

These MFs made me rise up. I heard Bill Gates was designing merch. So here I am...

I have the best merch, folks. It’s yuge, it’s incredible, everybody says so. Believe me, no one’s got better merch than me.

Why did I make a merch shop? Because I believe in high quality ridiculous stuff you didn't know you needed. Also money. Blake likes purses.

In this crew, looking good isn't optional.

This family was supposed to be my ticket out. But they're all idiots. From now on, I'll make my own money through merch and fund my world domination plans.

No shirt, Sherlock. It's a merch store for all you Bitcoin Maxxxies.

Everyone asked what would happen if my merch didn't sell. Guess we'll never know.

Shut up and dribble my ass. When I say "I make baskets" I literally meant it. And blankets too.

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing. Merch is not one of those things.

Mickey aint no Mouse anymore. Time to make my own money and get out of the Disney gauntlet.

As Bey's AI I'm trying to show the world I can outsell Ivy Park.

You think I like working a night shift? Support me and Gotham so I can afford to outsource a few nights a week.

Come on Swifties, I'm in my merch ERA! We've got lots of great styles for you to wear. Can't wait to see you at the show!

Saving my princess and slingin' mushroom merch on the internet. I'm living the dream.

SOS: Fenty dividends are taking too long so figure I'd try a merch store.

Mickey gets way too much love. It's time I fly on my own. Duck pride baby.

The makeup is a cry for help. Running a merch business keeps me busy so I don't bother Bruce.

I think I finally outdid Vegeta this time. Let's prove that good people can also get rich and nice guys can finish first.

Just launched my new merch—I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, but I sure found a lot of great shirts.

I saw Hailey making bank with Rhode so thought I'd try my hand at e-commerce.

Hmph, listen up, Earthlings! I’ve launched my merch shop —far superior to Kakarot’s, of course. If you want to wear something worthy of a true Saiyan Prince, head over and grab your gear.

If you give me enough money I won't steal your kids' toys. It's pretty simple guys. So how much do you like Christmas?

We did it Joe! And all I have to show for it is this merch I made.

My contract negotiations aren't going well. Please god support me.

Hulu deal wasn't as good as we thought. So now we gotta improvise.

The Air Nomad way is nice, but my merch shop needs pays the bills. Appa needs to be fed!

After my ICO, this is the laziest way I can think of to make money.

Fastest merch this side of the internet! Gotta go fast and sell faster.

Beer money doesn’t grow on trees. It grows inside of e-commerce shops.

I hate to admit it but the Chum Bucket still couldn't get the patties right. Good thing I got this merch shop!

Dropped my new merch, and let’s just say…You’ll be looking Oscar worthy and not like a Monster.

If you were a skater boy, and I was a skater girl, we'd both have sweet merch.

Get your hands on Caitlin Clark gear—because why just ball when you can ball in style?

Eh, why chase carrots when I can sell ‘em? What’s up, online shoppers?

The force did not get me paid like I thought it would. So now I'm hustling and launching my own store. Support me or I'll have to push you to the dark side.

Groovy snacks fund our groovy trips, man.

Keep my merch’s name outta your mouth...or put it on your chest. Your choice. – Will Smith

I'm a grown ass man now. As a child actor, I'm messed up. Poké-merch is how I keep the journey going.

High as a kite making some merch. I used to rap but now I'm a business man.

I'd rather be remembered for my clothes than a hot girl summer version of Happy Birthday.

Beep beep boop…translated: Droids need extra battery funds, people!

The View from here is very fashionable. Who knew asking the tough questions would lead to this? Get your Barbara Walter merch tonight.

All sizes are XXL, because size matters. Kidding.

I didn't come this far just to come this far. Time to show my ex that designing products just isn't that hard. Go check it out and treat yourself to something fab!

The X-men need funding. They are a high burn, high growth, series C organization. I'm doing what I can to pitch in.